Ganbatte kudasai

Today I was driving behind a tow truck pulling a disabled car. I was reminded of my own recent car body trouble, and the feelings of empathy it aroused in me.

After months of trying to pull in my Toyota Sienna as far as possible to make it easier for our neighbors to get their own car out, and ramming the undercarriage of the car against and on top of an increasingly icy snowbank in the process, our minivan ended up suffering some damage--specifically, the part that protects the various mechanisms under the front-most part of the car, right behind the bumper, started hanging down and rubbing against the tires in a way that produced an (increasingly) awful noise. It's such a pain to leave my car for repairs that I was avoiding it, but finally I stopped at my wonderful local mechanic (George of Newton Centre Gulf on Beacon St.) to have him just do something in the interim, and he used this industrial grade twist-tie which I also can't remember the term for (but which I know are sold in a pack at Home Depot and I should get some, because damn, they are so useful) to attach the piece (back) the bumper. For now, it's holding just fine.

But in the weeks when I was driving around with it Like That, including the excruciating sound on and off, of course dozens of people a day would turn their head, look at my car, wince, etc. and some would helpfully try to get my attention and tell me or gesture to me that There Is Something Wrong with the Front of Your Car (yes, thank you, like you I hear the scraping sound, I am aware of it). One man pulled up next to me at a red light and started *screaming* and swearing at me that I was a safety menace driving around like that b/c it was my brakes hanging down (uh, no) and who did I think I was driving around like that endangering other people (uh, also no) and that he was calling the police right then. Lovely.

The whole experience made me wish that we had a gesture or expression in our culture that we could use when it's obvious somebody is struggling with something, or is dealing with something that attracts unwanted attention, that would convey a sense of "oy, good luck with that, sorry you're having to deal with it or having a hard time with it", rather than ignoring the person or making them feel more self-conscious than they already do. There are really just endless examples--both trivial and profound--of when this would be both relevant and kind: A person struggling to walk due to an injury or physical disability. Someone with a big stain where they spilled something and don't have alternative clothes at the ready. A person with temporary or permanent facial paralysis (hello, my fellow/sister alumni/ae of the Bell's Palsy club! Today's ironic note: its two-word name begins with the two consonants it is hardest for sufferers from Bell's Palsy to say.). A transgender person still working on their look and gender presentation. A marathon runner who is taking the last few miles verrrrrry slowly, and just hopes to finish. Someone who is in the midst of dealing with something publicly embarrassing.

Japanese culture and language has such an expression: Ganbatte kudasai. As I understand it, it means, among other things: Keep up the good work. Give it your best. Good luck. Hang in there.

I think one of the kindest things we can do for our fellow human beings, whether we say something, give them a compassionate yet not patronizing look, or not, is to hold them with a wish of ganbatte kudasai. Somehow I doubt that it was Plato who said this, although the words are widely attributed to him on magnets and websites around the world, but I just love this quote: "Be kind, for each person you meet is fighting a great battle". How wonderful it would be if we could hold each other--at least some of the time--in that light.