Week 11

Last week was about:

11. Realize what's getting in the way, where you're stuck, etc. with respect to solving a small problem or working on a big project. Because addressing those obstacles can leverage a LOT of progress--and forgetting to look for them can blind you to possibilities, and leave undone or unsuccessful work very much stuck.

On a big decluttering tear, of life- and home-changing proportions, I've (re)realized that company and accompaniment--both physical and psychological presence--are huge helps in working on the things that feel overwhelming. Just the realistic thought of getting help has given me energy for the things that are more in reach, b/c it doesn't feel as much like "there's just too much, it will never get done".

And, I've moved to actually get some flesh and blood companionship in the clutter war between good (spaciousness, having only what you find to be beautiful or know to be useful--thanks William Morris!) and evil (the endless encroachment of toomuchness): First, on an online parenting forum I frequent, I joined a "let's declutter in November, set goals for the month, and report weekly on how we're doing" thread that spontaneously arose in the last 24 hours. Second, I just sent a contemplated-over-several-days email invitatation of sorts to a dozen girlfriends who I believe to be the kind of people whose good company, kindness, and smarts will be constructive for me--whether it's just for parallel play or also for hands on help.

Is the company of good people low-hanging fruit? Well, no. And yes. No, it's not just a little thing--it's a big thing. In the some ways, the biggest thing--our relationships with each other. And it's often hard to ask others for help, or to know who to ask. But yes--often, the people in our lives want to help us, and have the ability to do it--that help is right there for the asking. You know the feeling when a friend asks you to give her kid a ride somewhere and you're, like, "Sure, no problem!" and she says, "This is a total lifesaver, thank you", and you hear the relief in her voice, and you realize with pleasure how sometimes a thing that is small for you makes a big difference for someone else? Sometimes it goes the other way. Sometimes, the help you need is something that someone who you are connected to can provide, and is happy to. 

Especially when the help is that very connection.

So, thanks in advance to the dozen of you. And while I'm on the topic, let me raise a glass to the wonderful womenfriends who, nearly 7 years ago, each spent a couple of hours with me on one of the Wednesday nights in the first few months of the twins' lives, when Ben was gone for a couple of hours each night and I was alone with two infants--and who said, "When can I have a chance to come back?"

One of them was my dear brilliant friend Elizabeth Mark z"l. Her husband Mel died this past week. The end of an era, of the marital team of the erstwhile college student then named Betty Wyner and the handsome grad student who fixed his eye on her.

May we all be blessed with good, good companionship--in love, and in life at large.